Knowing....

Searching for the truth
in streets I fear to walk
The truth is over there
I'm just afraid to talk
The masterplan is spoiled
I have to carry on
Live life day by day
The way it was before
Before I knew myself
and you were far away
What am I going to do
now that you're here to stay...?

The night is my friend

It's a habit formed long ago, for me to be a nightbird and pull all-nighters, staying up all night and sleeping after 6-7 AM. So now, I'm sitting in front of my laptop again, with Manic Street Preachers blasting through my headphones; James Dean Bradfield sings emphatically, "I try and walk in a straight line, an imitation of dignity, from despair to where?" Tonight I'm more calm, without allowing my mind to wander off at all the hypothetical senarios that I usually busy myself with. I don't want to do that now. It stresses me to think about the future, the "what-if's", the possible outcomes. I've recently realised that I operate under a constant form of light stress, which is still enough to raise my heartbeat slightly; and all of it because I preoccupy myself with what *might* happen later. So strange, some years ago I was a person lost into my own world, without so many worries, without a black shadow looming over me...and now this. Is it true what they say, that "ignorance is bliss"? I'm beginning to think it is. In the past, I didn't worry, cause I didn't know. Now, I know...and that knowledge is starting to drive me crazy. But no, not tonight. Let the music carry me away, to a place where I can't hear my thoughts. Shhhh....

Beginning...

First post, wonder if I will actually begin...it's still a bit tough trying to get all of my thoughts out of my head and onto this blog; but we'll see.